10 signs of a broken relationship

Last time, I talked about my deeply personal experiences with family and friendships, and why the latter is the most important relationship for me. Today, I'd like to build on that with a practical topic that will provide you with more clarity and concrete strategies to improve all your relationships—whether with friends, family, or partners .

First of all, just because your relationship exhibits some of the 10 signs of a broken relationship doesn't mean it can't be repaired! Almost every relationship can be repaired, and most are worth trying!

The following requirements should be met: You BOTH are willing to invest roughly the same amount of work and have similar expectations and goals for the future of the relationship.

Communication is almost always the biggest problem —insufficient, dishonest, or misleading—which can lead to the message not being received. The good news: Honest, clear, and constructive communication can be learned.

An important point right from the start: You can't and shouldn't solve your counterpart's problems for them. You can't change someone the way you would like them to, and you can't "save" them or "open their eyes"—even if it's sometimes tempting!

The person must be willing to initiate the necessary changes.

Of course, there are also situations where it's better to end contact—for example, in toxic relationships where one or both partners are emotionally damaging, manipulative, or controlling. Such behaviors undermine self-esteem and harm emotional and mental health.

Warning signs for these could be: physical/verbal violence, extreme control & jealousy, deliberate manipulation and lack of respect.

The 10 signs of a broken relationship

1.

Healthy and realistic compromises are part of every positive relationship. Both sides can only remain happy in the long term if they feel that their most basic needs are being recognized and met , such as shared time/activities, good conversations, intimacy, similar future plans, and security.

“Solve your solvable problems!”

Solve the problems that are actually solvable, rather than getting worked up over irresolvable or fundamental differences. Some issues can never be fully resolved because they are based on fundamental character traits or opposing viewpoints.

When it comes to little quirks and peculiarities that each of us has, you can learn to accept and love them.

However, your willingness to compromise should not go so far that you make yourself unhappy by staying in a relationship/friendship in which your partner has conflicting needs.

As painful as it is, sometimes we have to accept that it is not meant to be (anymore).

• Don’t expect perfection and leave room for the personality of your counterpart.

• Communicate clearly which needs are important to you and what is non-negotiable (identify green and red flags).

• Be responsive to your partner's needs. For example, consider shared activities that you both enjoy.

• Put your own needs first. When you're feeling good, your relationships will benefit too.

2.

Ever heard: “She’s like that because she had a bad childhood?” or “That’s how you learn it in your culture”?

Of course, there are profound truths behind such statements.

This is an explanation, but NOT an excuse or a get-out-of-jail-free card.

Be aware that your counterpart bears full responsibility for his or her behavior and that it is not your job to defend it or, in the worst case, even to use it as an outlet for dissatisfaction.

• Openly address triggers that have nothing to do with you. Your counterpart may not be able to recognize them themselves.

• Support your partner in coming to terms with his/her past, but leave the responsibility with him/her.

• Therapy/ coaching , books/podcasts, journals, mindfulness exercises, etc. can help

3.

Often more of a women's issue: I did it myself in my first relationship and often observed how people who are new in relationships adopt the interests and attitudes of their partner, align their daily schedule with him/her and put their own needs aside.

Does love mean sacrificing yourself and adapting to your friend, partner, or family? And do you only feel valuable and loved when this love is externally confirmed?

Unfortunately, that's not how it works with self-esteem.

You have to give yourself that love and acknowledge your worth! Anything else will never last and often leads to a very unhealthy dependency that will strain your relationship.

• Train your self-esteem like a muscle:

• Treat yourself like a good friend. Speak positively to yourself and accept that mistakes and failures are part of life.

• List your strengths, skills and successes and always refer to them when you are not feeling well or when you doubt yourself.

• Celebrate your successes, even the everyday ones.

• Face new challenges (start small and build up), because acquired skills and knowledge will make you more self-confident.

  An example: When I jogged my first 5 km 2 weeks ago – that was a really great feeling of pride and confirmation!

4.

Insults, aggression, or violence are absolutely taboo and should never be tolerated! Often, however, hurtful behavior manifests itself in much more subtle ways. A friend of mine was once told by her husband that she was too fat to be attractive to him; he constantly compared her to "more attractive" women. A former boyfriend of mine told me that my shyness made it impossible for me to integrate socially.

These casual statements are destructive, have no positive effect, and, in the worst case, lead to lower self-esteem. You shouldn't tolerate even "kind" statements that hurt you!

• Address hurtful statements openly and ask for different communication.

• If the behavior does not improve, I would recommend that you withdraw from this negativity if you do not want or cannot end the contact completely.

5.

This point is significantly more difficult for couples to navigate. If one wants to emigrate and the other wants to stay in the same place for life, it becomes very difficult to find a compromise that makes both parties happy.

Such serious life decisions often lead to the separation of couples and the estrangement of friendships. The problem here is that the common themes become increasingly rare. Even in less extreme cases, the feeling of connection and closeness can be lost.

You probably also prefer to talk to people who can best understand and support your situation, right?

• Have open conversations: What's important to you and the other person in your relationship? What values and long-term goals do you share, and where are the differences?

• Actively look for common ground—do you share a passion for travel, books, sports, etc.? Can you rekindle the spark in your relationship/friendship?

• The common denominator is becoming too small: Don't force what no longer fits. Even if it's difficult. Accept and respect the other person's life path.

6.

Arguments occur in the best of relationships, and we should accept differences of opinion as normal rather than over-dramatizing them. But arguing is something that can be learned, because often both parties don't argue in the same way. One might become loud and aggressive, while the other prefers to withdraw. Often, arguments quickly become too personal, too emotional, and the situation escalates.

• Don't argue in the heat of the moment: Easier said than done, but stopping mechanisms can be helpful. Both parties can calm down, sort out their thoughts, and then have a factual debate. Remember: what's said in the heat of the moment causes great harm, even if it wasn't meant that way.

• When the situation is good, discuss how you want to argue – what do you need, what does your counterpart need in the situation?

• Invite each other to address what bothers you openly, honestly, and directly, instead of letting issues pile up forever.

• Even when you argue, let each other know that you still love and respect each other, because often the fear of loss only makes things worse.

7.

Honestly, do you want to be in a relationship that doesn't adequately reciprocate what you give? Whether it's spending time together, loving gestures, or running the household together.

It's not about 50/50 all the time. Sometimes it can be 70/30 if one of you is going through a difficult phase. It's about balance, about roughly equal effort from both sides.

An unpleasant truth: "I don't have time" is a lie. You don't have time; you make time. Of course, there are situations where this is true, because there's a lot going on. But if these statements persist for weeks or months, then the person is actually telling you that they don't want to take the time.

• Talk openly about what you're missing, what bothers you—the other person can't read your mind. Can you find a suitable compromise?

• For example, regular check-ins: calls, messages, visits to keep the relationship alive. Plan special activities together that are meaningful to both sides, even if they happen less frequently.

• If the intensity or closeness naturally changes/reduces, would you consider reducing your effort as well?

• Set clear boundaries for yourself: what do you feel comfortable with and what doesn’t fit.

8.

Who could you call in the middle of the night when things are hitting the fan?

Who can you rely on when you urgently need support?

When my father was feeling very unwell a few days ago, I knew exactly who to write to – and I received wonderful support. I felt supported and safe, knowing I would never be alone in such a situation.

Isn't that exactly the point of friendships, relationships, and family? If that rarely or never happens, why bother?

Unpredictability in the form of hot & cold (sometimes exuberantly caring, then ignorant & cold) is also difficult to manage, as you never really know where you stand and how you should behave.

• Are there “we can talk about anything” people in your life already?

  Then don't take it for granted, but actively maintain the relationship with your time and loving gestures.

• Doesn't one exist yet? Which of your acquaintances could become such a person? What relationships can you intensify?

• Where & how can you possibly meet new people?

9.

In my opinion, honesty is the most important factor for the success of any relationship and always indicates respect.

In healthy relationships, you should ALWAYS be allowed to say what you really think, even if it's not always nice topics!

I have often experienced that people are not honest with their fellow human beings (and sometimes with themselves) because they fear that they will no longer be liked or because they think it would be "easier" to avoid disagreements.

At the end of the day, you're not doing anyone any favors! Not your counterpart, who might miss out on an opportunity to learn something, and certainly not yourself, since you have to pretend. And that's just incredibly exhausting in the long run!

It should, of course, go without saying that it is always the tone that makes the music.

• Set a good example: Practice honesty. Stop saying yes when you mean no.

• Disagreements are a part of any healthy interpersonal interaction and do NOT mean you don't like each other. The more you actively approach them and try things out, the easier it will become.

• Reflect on how often you are dishonest to whom and why. What consequences does this have for your well-being and your relationship?

• When we meet new people, we're often extra polite and willing to compromise. Be authentic from the start to avoid confusion later.

10.

Every relationship should change over the course of its lifetime. Because we ourselves are constantly changing, developing different needs and life goals, and entering a new phase of life with new challenges.

Everything in nature that does not evolve and grow dies.

How often have you experienced that the people around you perceived the changes in your life as negative or threatening?

Trying to keep you down, trying to talk you out of your new interests or dreams instead of supporting your goals?

These are examples of how these people aren't growing with you. They'd rather you stay the way they know you.

• Talk about your needs, goals, interests, and changes. Explain why this development is important to you. This creates understanding and gives others the opportunity to adapt and support you.

• Is someone trying to keep you down? Set clear boundaries. Let them know that you respect their opinion, but also that you'll follow your own path.

• Nurture relationships that share similar goals or interests and actively network with new people who can support your development.